Waiting for This Headline

With everything that’s happening in our nation’s economy, I keep checking the news websites but I haven’t yet seen the headline I’m expecting any moment, along with its ensuing story.  It would look something like this:

Distressed Economy Has Surprise Effect On Fight for the White House

McCain Campaigns for Obama While Obama Pledges to Vote for McCain

Senator John McCain and Senator Barack Obama met this afternoon to debate their merits as candidates for the highest office in the land.  After months of intense campaigning for the presidency, both men now claim that the other is better suited for the job.

An anonymous source close to Obama was overheard saying, “A person would have to be out of his mind to actually want to take the helm at this point in our nation’s history.”  The senator himself declined to verify or refute the quote.  He said simply, “Our country is at a point where we need a man who understands the intrinsic value of money, a man who is not quite sure just how many houses he owns.  In this kind of housing market, after all, ignorance is bliss.”

Obama’s comments were not kindly received by his supporters, as evidenced by his monthly campaign contributions slowing to a trickle of a mere 65 million dollars for the month of September.

For McCain’s part, the senator told Associated Press reporters, “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The economy is just not my strong point.  I even stated publicly just a short time ago that our economy was sound, healthy and strong.  You know the rest.  What our country needs at this critical junction is a leader who can inspire people to believe, ‘Yes we can’–even when they can’t.”

Both senators said that if elected, their first move would be to offer government-subsidized salary increases to the CEOs of the country’s largest and wealthiest corporations.  Representatives from both camps stated that if elected, their candidate would add pork to the first legislative bill that landed on his desk, aimed at eliminating all federal spending on education and diverting it instead to fund banks who specialize in mortgage refinancing for homeowners with bad credit.

The two men will lock horns on the debate floor tomorrow night, but the subject–scheduled to be national security–is expected to change.  The new topic?  Why the other candidate is the one best suited for the job.

– with reporting from Butch Erdeconomy in Washington and Denny Seeitcoming on Wall Street

Published in: on September 25, 2008 at 10:44 am  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. That’s quality.

  2. Thanks. Quality rocks.

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